we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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