his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
