WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
