I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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