I am in a vortex of obligation.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
