There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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