she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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