how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
