but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
