Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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