Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
