He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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