No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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