I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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