You smell like a Billy Joel song
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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