We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
