How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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