I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
