I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
