Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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