Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
