there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
