I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
