Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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