i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
