the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
