I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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