when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
