I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
