I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
