Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
