His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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