Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
