STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
