first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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