just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
