It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
