am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
