I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
