My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
