you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
