Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
