I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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