Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
