tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
