Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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