What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
