I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
