Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
