I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
