We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
