I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
