Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
