Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
