I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
