Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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