Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
