he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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