absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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