I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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