One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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