did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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