I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
