that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
