i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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