I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
