found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ttyl tear gas
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
