I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
