Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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