my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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