Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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