it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
