Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
