Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
