So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
