I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
