Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm really into asian looking animals
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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