Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Is Oprah even human
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
