kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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