What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
