I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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