Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize