I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
