I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
